As I type this post I don't really know where to begin. So sorry if it is a jumbled mess. However, school is officially cancelled tomorrow because of the snow storm (apx. 12 inches) we are going to receive. I have pondered this title since church on Sunday. The series is "I Quit..." - Sundays theme was "I Quit...living in fear!" As I looked at the bullentin the very first box to check (check all that apply to your life...great!) was "Fear of Loss" - As I read the words I immediately thought about my Nanny and how that was my biggest fear for the past few years. Basically, ever since I came to the realization how old she was, yet I was in so much denial I never thought the day would come. Now, I know many of you are probably thinking to yourself "Girl, she was 96 years old...I mean come on?!" But you. don't. understand. She was my best friend! We did life together. We had normal conversations, every single day. She gave me advice. Taught me how to cook. Was my "secret keeper," etc....
Anywho, back to the purpose of this post. I faced my biggest fear in December and I came out of that with more peace in my heart than I have ever felt. My heart broke, yet sang. I cried, yet smiled. I felt broken, yet whole. It was the coolest strangest feeling. I NEVER thought I would be at such a peace. Why doubt God? Because it's easy. Yes I said, it's easy to doubt God because my sinful flesh wants to have it all together. But guess what Claire, you don't!! Anyways, Craig talked about his wife, Amy, walking through her biggest fear and how she came out of it trusting the Lord so much more than she ever has in her whole life. I could relate. Amy lives each day not afraid of anything because she has been there, done that, and the Lord took care of her. Shocking I know. Have faith the size of a mustard seed, Claire....
Once you face your greatest fear, who or what then shall you fear??? Exactly. Fear is not from the Lord. Our Lord does not give us fear, yet satan pours fear into our lives. The Lord gives us love, patience, kindness, self-control, and all the other wonderful fruits. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." ~ 2 Tim 1:7 Fear is faith, just in the wrong things. Fear is placing faith in the "What Ifs?" Let me tell you, what we fear is where we trust God the least. It slapped me in the face. I didn't trust God with losing Nan. I never thought I would feel at peace. I never thought my heart would be healed. I never thought I would feel okay with her being gone. But guess what, I do. Yes, it hurts like hell sometimes, still BUT I also know that the Lord chose her to come Home and for that I am thankful and will rejoice. And the Lord has my heart so tightly wrapped up in his hands that the minute my heart hurts, He gives me peace.
I also think sometimes what we fear is what we value most. Double edge sword? Maybe?
I'll leave you with this.... Seek God until He takes away your fears!
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears!" ~Psalm 34:4
"I have never known more than fifteen minutes of anxiety or fear. Whenever I feel fearful emotions overtaking me I just close my eyes and thank God that he is still on the throne reigning over everything and I take comfort in His control over all the affairs of my life!"